Book 3 – Chapter 5 - My Lost Child – Excerpt 3-6
1997 Sept. 14 - My Greatest Fear and Weakness
1997 Sept. 14 - My greatest fear and weakness is to admit that I have a fear and weakness, therefore, as long as I can hide and deny that I have any problems that I can’t handle, I have no problem. I’d say that my biggest weakness is that I’m not perfect, not a perfect husband, father, haven’t the perfect job or home, or that I don’t say or do the right thing perfectly, and on and on. I ask too much of myself, I’ve tried to be perfect, to do what I think others think is perfect just for acceptance and there’s no way that I could ever be enough to do what I, or others expected of me. I put others feelings and desires before my own believing it was loving, but really it was guilt, self-sacrifice and denial of love for myself. When I put others ahead of myself I’m not loving myself, and as long as I try to hide, deny or feel guilty about being less than perfect, I am in Lucifer’s hold.
Therefore, from this day forward I intend to identify all of my fears and weaknesses. I ask help from Father and Mother to enable me to bring these fears, beliefs, programs, imprints, guilt and shame forward to my conscious awareness to be accepted, to allow my emotions and body their expression, and as they are released, to move unloving light out and off of me and to fill the space with Love and Light. I am ready to move forward and I am ready to release the limitations I have placed on myself. I am ready to be free, to soar like an eagle. From this day forward, I ask that I recognize denial, guilt, and shame for what they are, and to set them free and not to be limited by them anymore.
1997 Sept. 15 - Jen called me on the phone and read me a piece she had channeled about unconditional love. I went off into a space and I just remember the feeling of being held and cradled. I then had a vision of an Eagle that couldn’t, or rather, wasn’t allowed to fly as it had a string tied to its leg. I didn’t want it to fly away because I was afraid it was going to get hurt as it had always been on a rope ever since it was able to fly. I told Jen what I was experiencing and she told me to see myself letting it go. I untied the Eagles leg and set it free but it didn’t want to leave. I tried shooing it but it just stayed on my arm guard. Finally, a wind came up and began blowing and ruffling the Eagles feathers, stronger and stronger until finally it took off and flew around me. It then flew back to my arm and started to pick at the laces on the arm guard I was wearing until it fell off and dropped to the ground. It then perched on my naked arm. It was okay, its talons didn’t hurt me and I didn’t need the guard anymore either. He was free and so was I. I began to cry.
As I’m proof reading this piece I’m moved to tears again. I don’t know why but it really is moving something in me, maybe it’s freedom, freedom for both. Freedom, yes that’s the word, freedom, but not any freedom that I’ve ever known because in this freedom there is also love. ♥