Book 3 – Chapter 10 - Owning My Feelings – Excerpt 3-12

1998 Sept. 14 – Fighting Myself

I was working in the basement trying to get a specific board out of a pile of old barn boards that I had saved from Moonstone, to make some shelves for the store. I didn’t notice a long heavy board that was resting on its edge until it rolled over and scraped down the inside of my left forearm to my wrist. At first I just saw the skin on the inside of my arm scraped and slightly red and torn. As I released the board I was holding to move the fallen one off my arm, I saw and knew that I had broken a blood vessel as my forearm and wrist immediately puffed up and turned blue. I drove myself to the hospital emergency department and was told that there was nothing they could do, and recommended that I apply ice to it and not to use it for a few days. It seemed like everything was going against me.

A few days ago, I was putting stock on the shelves and I noticed a pricing error on some products that Jen or Liz had done. I had to go over the product lists and check all the pricing and change the ones where the American exchange rate of 45% wasn’t taken into account. I felt dishearten and thought to myself, “Yeah, it’s like I haven’t got enough to do.”

1998 Sept. 16 4:03 am - I awoke to the following brief message. “You need to give up and give in, not to the outer reflection that is pressuring you to feel like you have to fight all the time, but to the inner realization that the exhaustion and needlessness that you have been fighting is yourself.”