Book 2 – Chapter 16 - Heartbreak and Terror – Excerpt 2-11
Betrayal, Trust and Forgiveness
When you have issues of betrayal, trust and forgiveness, these are indicators of having no acceptance for your Will. One of the things that I’ve come to understand is that no one can betray you but you. If you really think/feel about it, you always know that something is wrong; you have a clue, a feeling, a knowing, but instead of trusting and following your Will, your intuition, you choose to deny her in favor of the other person, or persons, in the hope that your Will and feelings were wrong. Trust is a non-issue, because if you trust yourself, your Will, you will allow yourself to not only ask questions, but to also express yourself including your intuition. In so doing, the truth will always be exposed, either by what they say or do, or by what they don’t say or do. It’s only your attachment to losing what you think is love, or your fear of what will happen if you do express yourself, that keeps you in denial and in a constant state of not knowing or trusting yourself or others.
There are as many reasons that one feels the need to ask for forgiveness, as there are reasons one feels the need to forgive, but all are based in denial and are ladened with guilt and shame. When we feel we have done something to another that makes them unhappy, we are riddled with guilt and shame and feel the need to apologize or ask for forgiveness. On the opposite end, we have this misguided compassion where we feel the need to forgive others that have hurt us, so that we can move on with our life and put the issue to rest. This is nothing more than denial, guilt and shame promoting self-hatred and self-sacrifice as a form of love.
When you really think about it, there is no need to ask for forgiveness or to forgive others because whatever you did to another or they did to you, was for the experience and mutual healing of your individual issues. Each person was reflecting the others denials and issues. If you were real in your response and they were activated and felt offended, that is their issue. If they were real and you were activated and felt offended, that is your issue. Everyone has to take responsibility for his or her feelings and emotions and not make the other person responsible by laying blame, guilt or shame on the person that activated them. Blame and guilt are at opposite ends, yet they support each other. When blame has gone as far as it can, guilt takes over, and when guilt has gone as far as it can, blame takes its turn at pummeling you.
Forgiveness, as we know it, is totally unloving as it just adds guilt and shame to the situation to further compress the denied Will essence. The only person you have to forgive is yourself for having believed for so long that your feelings and intuition were wrong or evil, and that they had to be denied and controlled in order to show the others that were trying to control and manipulate you, that you were a loving person according to their standards, rules and expectations. Self-forgiveness is a necessary process if healing is to take place as it opens the door to allow you to take a risk and openly challenge what you feel is unloving. As long as you continue to blame yourself for what happened, or being the problem, there is no forgiveness, no self acceptance and no self-love. Forgiving yourself for doing what you had to do in order to survive was not wrong, but was a necessary experience to get you to this point. Remember, this is not the first lifetime you have had, and whatever issues you are experiencing have been carried over from past lives for healing in this lifetime. Seeing the bigger picture allows you to step out of your self-hatred mode and into self-forgiveness and self-acceptance so that you can let go of guilt and shame, and see and feel the smallest forms of self-hatred that need to be healed.
However, guilt and shame are also useful tools if your intent is to uncover and end your denials and unlovingness, as they allow you to see and feel where you were over-powering and unloving to another person, place or thing. When you become aware that your actions were unloving and that you were in denial, instead of allowing guilt and shame to control you by blaming the other person or to beat yourself up, you forgive yourself for not having seen this sooner and now go deeper to see and feel why you re-acted as you did. Finding and healing the root cause then allows you to enter into an open dialogue with those you harmed to allow them to see and feel that you are truly connected to your Heart and are expressing yourself in love. When all is said and done, you cannot undo what was done, but having forgiven yourself and expressed your real feelings and emotions, and released guilt and shame, you can now ask for forgiveness from those you wronged. This asking for forgiveness is more like allowing the other person the opportunity to see and feel your follow up response to the original experience. Whether or not they forgive you is their choice as they are responsible for whatever issues your open and honest dialogue brings up. If they see and feel your true intent and connect with not only your words, but the feeling of them, then there is healing on both sides as it is also an opportunity for them to feel and see how they were activated by your original action, and then to work on healing their issues.